This is great! I like this a lot: “my feet take turns hiding each other.“ relatable physical action to get across awkwardness/uncertainty, its a perfect ‘show, dont tell.’ Awesome good use of themes, how Porter’s story sets up the hair removal clay from Josie’s dad’s corner cutting - which you expertly set up early during the visit. in fact, you have a lot of great setup and payoffs. Good job!
Hey, enjoyed this. Really captures that high-school pressure/anxiety/not-knowing-shit-about-shit-but-thinking-everyone-else-does vibe. And fascinating to experience that from a girl's perspective. Cool writing.
Amazing stuff! Though I read this before Chuck's take and knew nothing about the radioactivity prompt, so I felt like Dylan's Mr. Jones: "You KNOW something is happening, but you don't know what it is..." Also, there was an awesome part in Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow where a character was bathing in a radioactive river – I thought of that here. Whether or not you were inspired by that legendary work is immaterial, since you you have such a wonderful, down-to-Earth-yet-still-hypnotic voice. I was also perplexed by the queef demonstration–I thought the computer bit directly afterwards only confused good, no great writing. Impressive!
This is great! I like this a lot: “my feet take turns hiding each other.“ relatable physical action to get across awkwardness/uncertainty, its a perfect ‘show, dont tell.’ Awesome good use of themes, how Porter’s story sets up the hair removal clay from Josie’s dad’s corner cutting - which you expertly set up early during the visit. in fact, you have a lot of great setup and payoffs. Good job!
Hey, enjoyed this. Really captures that high-school pressure/anxiety/not-knowing-shit-about-shit-but-thinking-everyone-else-does vibe. And fascinating to experience that from a girl's perspective. Cool writing.
Amazing stuff! Though I read this before Chuck's take and knew nothing about the radioactivity prompt, so I felt like Dylan's Mr. Jones: "You KNOW something is happening, but you don't know what it is..." Also, there was an awesome part in Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow where a character was bathing in a radioactive river – I thought of that here. Whether or not you were inspired by that legendary work is immaterial, since you you have such a wonderful, down-to-Earth-yet-still-hypnotic voice. I was also perplexed by the queef demonstration–I thought the computer bit directly afterwards only confused good, no great writing. Impressive!